finally have internet back. as of yesterday but i was soo busy yesterday (being Thursday not Friday) that i didn't get a chance to write. so here i am, late friday night/early saturday morning writing this.
lets see what has happened to me this week? i started running. well, i've been running sporadicially but now i'm keeping it up. my stragety is this: walk 2 laps, run 5 laps, walk 2 laps, run 4 laps, walk 2 laps, run 3 laps, walk 2 laps, run 2 laps, walk 2 laps, run 1 lap. this way i will have run a total of 1.5 miles and walk another mile. this way it not only gets my heart rate up and down but i'm also not bored counting 10 laps in a row. but what i don't get is that i've gained 5 pounds. and don't give me that crap about how muscle weighs more than fat. it's only been steady for 3 days. i have NOT gained any muscle in 3 days.
Breckenridge got 4" of snow in the past 24 hours, 7" total from a few days ago. VERY JEALOUS! i wanna live in colorado sooo bad. i just wanna be outdoors.
i have 9 days without roommate, Josh. this is going to be a very lovely time for me and my cats. but now since i mentioned him, i might as well say what's been bugging me about this trip of his. It's bitter Ex-Girlfriend time.
1) Okay, so his girlfriend moved out of state right? while they were dating. and with her parents (who were also moving as they sold their house in rockford). There were no blow ups. There were no name calling. There were no fights. There were no finger pointing. They both agreed that it was financially sound that she do this right now. now where the FUCK was MY SUPPORT when I did the SAME FUCKING THING??? *whew* When i moved out of state after graduation cause i couldn't find a job, i got called every name in the book. i got accused of being selfish. i got called pyscho. i was told that he wanted to kick me out that very day and tell me to go now. he says it's a completely different situation. i think differently. it is not. i had to move cause after august i had no job to afford to live in the apartment. she had to move even though she HAD a job but cause she could not afford to live on her own. Now josh has said that he offered me to stay in the apartment and i countered back with then how would you have afforded the place on your own? he said he would have done it somehow. i retorted back with she could have done it somehow as well then.
2) it's been a GRAND FUCKING TOTAL of 10 DAYS since he last saw her. He's already out there vistiting her. FLEW out there mind you AND with Jenny! Now, get this. I was down in Mississippi for 5 months. he never, not once, came down and saw me. that's only a 10 hour drive. I even drove up to my mum's one weekend. that was only a 4.5 hour drive for him. he *thought* about coming down but decided against it. i did however, fly up here twice for him. once on halloween and then again for christmas. and then a month later, 4 days before our 4 year anniversary, he broke up with me. oh and jenny never not once talked to me. not that she ever volunteeringly talked to me while we were dating anyhow. i'm thinking that she learned her lesson how she made me feel cut out and left out and now she's actually talking to her and making her feel welcome. though it could also be b/c the girlfriend actually does what i didn't do which is illegal and will have no part in it.
Gee swell. what a great boyfriend i had eh? i think these two points either proves that A) he never did love/care for me. B) he didn't love/care for me as much as he loves/cares for her now. or C) that he learned his lessons and corrected his mistakes on me and our relationship. I don't know which one I hope its more of cause either one of those makes me pretty damn sick to my stomach. These two situations that I noticed this week has me feeling really down about the last 5 years I spent with him as soulmates and this last year we spent living together as roommates. Yes, I actually did tell someone today in fact, that josh and I were soulmates. we were. it was great cause we had equal number of common things vs. equal number of not in common. (yes, i am one of "those" that don't believe couples should have EVERYTHING in common cause how freakin boring would that be?) however, there was one big non common thing that neither one of us could let go and that was the downfall to the entire relationship. just one freakin stupid sour thing. but i'm glad that i finally held on to my standards and that i am still. it only took me 5 years to do it but i did. anyway, i'm getting off track here. the point was it's a great feeling when you realise that the one past great probably the last meaningful relationship you will ever have was all a big ole fat lie.*smiles* *thumbs up*
oh and another thing i forgot to add on to this was that i wanted to live in louisville kentucky after graduation. we talked about it and so i told him that's where i was applying for jobs at as well as Chicago. he said that it really didn't matter to him. then suddenly he changed his mind about it one day and wanted to stay near the chicago region cause he likes chicago and his family is here. but i just found out that now he's looking into jobs in the portland area --- cause GUESS WHO LIVES THERE???
I SUCK!
okay, that's it. i'm done talking now that i've gotten myself into a tizzy about this whole thing.
happy birthday chuck norris.
